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The problem of dichotomy, regarding  the nature of friendship, is to know when it is okay to be open and when  to withhold that openness. A friendship can become stronger by sharing  and being open, however, being too open can sometimes be more than one  can handle. Nietzsche believed that being open and sharing with another  is an act of stepping into chaos– we become aware of the unknown within  us, as well as the other (Vernon 2010). The reason we would share with  someone is to deepen our bond with them. It is necessary to share on an  intimate level to strengthen a bond. 

Feigning in a friendship serves as a  type of defense mechanism. It may be that more time has to be spent with  someone before certain things can be talked about. Nietzsche believed  that friendships could not remain steady if the weight of truth is  thrown at them (Vernon 2010). A proper foundation must be laid out  before building can begin. Likewise, a table can’t support any weight  until all of its legs are secure. The hard part about feigning, is that  there is an appropriate time to feign and an appropriate time to be  open. “If too much is said at the wrong time the consequences can be  disastrous.” The circumstances of feigning however, does not allow for  one to choose when to share. (Vernon 2010). Saying the wrong things at  the wrong time can put a strain on friends, so sometimes it’s easier to  not tell your friend how poorly he’s raising his children. It’s always  safer to assume that there is something that you do not know. So,  instead of critiquing your friend, you could ask if home life is going  well. This gives an opportunity to openly discuss problems that only  true friends would stick around to hear about. So, how much is too much?

If your friend now thinks that he can  always dump on you, then it’s likely you won’t stick around. So what  happened? You opened up and had a meaningful conversation. Why didn’t  that make things stronger? Refer back to Nietzsche saying that the  weight of truth can be too much to bear. Would you want to be friends  with someone like that? Are you perhaps that friend? It seems that  deeper friendship is only readily available to those who are willing to  explore their own dark corners. One might feign with another because of  judgment; does one judge himself before judging others? “It is true we  have good reason to think little of each of our acquaintances, even the  greatest of them; but equally good reason to direct this feeling back  onto ourself” (Vernon 2010). Understanding the sensitivity of this  spectrum is what will provide a healthy foundation for a long-lasting  friendship. 

Vernon, M. (2010). The meaning of friendship. Basingstoke (England): Palgrave Macmillan.

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